Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
