Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
