I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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