Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
