I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
