that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We got so high we made milksteak
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
