So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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