My room smells like vodka and shame
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
