i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
