Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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