i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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