At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
