I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
