hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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