Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
