i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
