i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
