Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
