I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
