All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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