we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
