every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
