I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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