We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
