woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are two peas in an std pod
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
