dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
