i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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