he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
