My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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