I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
