I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
MIDGETS
????
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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