I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
