I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
