Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
