walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
