My friends, they love my intelligence
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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