Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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