is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
