glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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