Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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