i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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