i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
