She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
