somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
