What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
