If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
