I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
