I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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