I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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