It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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