I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
