Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
