Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
